After careful consideration, CABI’s staff, board of directors, and expert legal team have concluded that the Idaho legislature’s new law allowing guns on our state’s colleges and universities is, in fact, applicable and even mandatory here at our CABI campus as well. This clarification led to an emotionally-charged discussion over how we might best respond to this political sea change. While a few of our community’s cowardly bleeding hearts suggested that we proceed with caution or even (God forbid!) commit an act of civil disobedience and break this law, the majority opinion here (including my own) is to enthusiastically embrace the abiding wisdom of our governor and legislators and incorporate it fully into our synagogue culture. I sincerely believe that this law will help us revitalize our own programming as we align our future with the brilliant path set by our lawmakers.
With that in mind, I am pleased to announce that next month we will be launching some exciting and radically revamped versions of classic CABI programs.
At 6pm on Friday, April 4, we will introduce “Tot Shot Shabbat”. All children under the age of eight will be issued handguns and live ammo at the door. Then, when Rabbi Dan presents his puppet show recalling Pesach and the Exodus, the kids will be encouraged to blow off Pharaoh’s head, effectively re-enacting and teaching the lesson of the eleventh plague. Bulletproof vests will be available for fainthearted parents and grandparents.
Three weeks later, the Moody Jews will get in on the fun for our first ever “Shabbat Plugged”. The band will be taking requests for all of your liturgical favorites. If we like your choices, we will honor them, encouraging everyone to sing along. If your requests do not suit us, then one lucky band member (either chosen by an impromptu lottery or the one with the highest caliber weapon) will immediately shoot you. This will encourage everyone to think more carefully about the role of liturgical music and which “Adon Olam” you really want to hear. For all of you non-musicians, don’t worry—reprisal time will come at the oneg, which promises to be an exuberant free-for-all.
Finally, on Sunday morning, April 27, the Adult Learning committee will sponsor our first-ever “Bagel, Lox and Load” brunch for whoever is still standing. Our special guest speakers will be our heroes, NRA lobbyist Dakota Moore and Nampa Republican (and the bill’s sponsor) Curt McKenzie. Should you survive the first two events, you won’t want to miss this opportunity to thank them for their extraordinary wisdom and sagacity that has so inspired us here at CABI.
Happy Purim, all—