We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to
have the life that is waiting for us.
This quote, from E.M. Forster, speaks to a
paradox at the heart of this week’s Torah portion, Toldot. As it opens, God
tells Rebecca, who is struggling with a painful pregnancy: “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples will descend
from you; one kingdom will become mightier than the other, and the elder will
serve the younger.” Soon thereafter, she
delivers twins, with Esau emerging first, followed by his brother, Jacob.
Perhaps
because of God’s prophecy to her, Rebecca favors the younger boy from the
start, while Isaac prefers his more macho first-born. This dynamic divides the family and comes to
a head many years later, when Rebecca conspires with Jacob to trick Isaac (who
is now blind) into giving him the blessing intended for Esau. The plan involves a brilliant deception: she
covers Jacob’s arms with sheepskins, so that when Isaac feels him, he thinks he
is his hairy older brother. Although
Isaac initially responds with some suspicion, in the end, the plot succeeds.
But all of
this raises a question: If God has already told Rebecca of Jacob’s eventual
primacy even before the boys were born, why is she so desperate to force the
matter with all of this deception? Does
Rebecca’s eagerness to seize the blessing for Isaac betray an underlying lack
of faith?
In The Torah: A Women’s Commentary, Diane Sharon
argues this line: “What if, by urging Jacob to steal
the blessing meant for his brother, Rebecca is not acting in harmony with the
will of God? . . The outcome of
Rebecca’s story may, perhaps, teach us to allow the divine process to unfold
for a while before we decide to take action on God’s behalf.”
For us, as for Rebecca, it can be very difficult
to “let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting
for us.” We strive mightily to determine
our fate, to shape every detail in the course of our lives. So often, our first impulse is to assert
control (or the illusion thereof) over our circumstances. But sometimes, it is better to trust God and
the Universe.
I’ll leave you with a poem by Jane
Hirshfield, which may help in this endeavor:
When
Your Life Looks Back
When your
life looks back—
as it will, at itself, at you—what will it say?
as it will, at itself, at you—what will it say?
Inch of
colored ribbon cut from the spool.
Flame curl, blue-consuming the log it flares from.
Bay leaf. Oak leaf. Cricket. One among many.
Flame curl, blue-consuming the log it flares from.
Bay leaf. Oak leaf. Cricket. One among many.
Your life
will carry you as it did always,
with ten fingers and both palms,
with horizontal ribs and upright spine,
with its filling and emptying heart,
that wanted only your own heart, emptying, filled, in return.
You gave it. What else could you do?
with ten fingers and both palms,
with horizontal ribs and upright spine,
with its filling and emptying heart,
that wanted only your own heart, emptying, filled, in return.
You gave it. What else could you do?
Immersed in
air or in water.
Immersed in hunger or anger.
Curious even when bored.
Longing even when running away.
Immersed in hunger or anger.
Curious even when bored.
Longing even when running away.
“What will
happen next?”—
the question hinged in your knees, your ankles,
in the in-breaths even of weeping.
Strongest of magnets, the future impartial drew you in.
Whatever direction you turned toward was face to face.
No back of the world existed,
no unseen corner, no test. No other earth to prepare for.
the question hinged in your knees, your ankles,
in the in-breaths even of weeping.
Strongest of magnets, the future impartial drew you in.
Whatever direction you turned toward was face to face.
No back of the world existed,
no unseen corner, no test. No other earth to prepare for.
This, your life had said, its only pronoun.
Here, your life had said, its only house.
Let, your life had said, its only order.
Here, your life had said, its only house.
Let, your life had said, its only order.
And did you
have a choice in this? You did—
Sleeping and
walking,
the horses around you, the mountains around you,
the buildings with their tall, hydraulic shafts.
Those of your own kind around you—
the horses around you, the mountains around you,
the buildings with their tall, hydraulic shafts.
Those of your own kind around you—
A few times,
you stood on your head.
A few times, you chose not to be frightened.
A few times, you held another beyond any measure.
A few times, you found yourself held beyond any measure.
A few times, you chose not to be frightened.
A few times, you held another beyond any measure.
A few times, you found yourself held beyond any measure.
Mortal, your life will say,
as if tasting something delicious, as if in envy.
Your immortal life will say this, as it is leaving.
as if tasting something delicious, as if in envy.
Your immortal life will say this, as it is leaving.
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