I’m proud to announce an extraordinary new fundraising opportunity for CABI, thanks to America’s first serious Jewish presidential candidate, Bernie Sanders.
During his recent campaign swing through Boise, I was blessed to receive a personal visit from Senator Sanders. After we schmoozed for a while about important things like our shared dedication to excellent posture, our conversation turned to Idaho politics. I described the lamentable record of our chief executive and legislature on a whole host of issues: their failure to add the words extending protection to LGBT citizens, consistent underfunding of public education, refusal to expand healthcare for low income Idahoans, continuous harassment of women’s reproductive freedom, and dogged determination to ensure the right of every lunatic in the state to own and operate an entire arsenal of assault rifles.
Senator Sanders listened with remarkable empathy and then decided to act on our behalf. On the spot, he picked up his phone and called his old friends (and longtime Jewish activists and philanthropists) Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream fame. He told them about CABI’s commitment to human rights and they, in turn, immediately agreed to add two new treats to their line, for sale in supermarkets in the Gem State and beyond: Chock Full O’ Nuts Legislative Lemon Sorbet and Bananas Butch Otter Pops. True to their names, both of these treats will be full of nothing but artificial ingredients and empty calories; Ben and Jerry guarantee that they will be certifiably unhealthy to everyone except radical patriot survivalists living off the grid in Outer Kamiah.
The good news? Fifty percent of all profits from these confections will go to fund CABI social action projects. There is one catch, though: this is a true partnership, so we will be producing Chock Full O’ Nuts and Bananas Butch Otter Pops right in our own CABI kitchen, with volunteer labor provided by our own membership. That’s right—we need you, CABI members, to sign up for ice cream making, preferably once a week. I promise that it will be fun and satisfying, raising valuable dollars for a good cause.
So please join me in the kitchen and, as Ben and Jerry and Bernie all put it:
FEEL THE CHURN!